Friday, May 8, 2009

Early Retirement, Here I Come...

While reading through some of my favorite blogs the other day, I stumbled across this gem. It seems that Motherscratcher over at the Achiever Card Blog was doing some ebay-ing. He recently purchased this card:
From the 2003 SP Legendary Cuts set, the card comes from the Historical Impressions subset. I normally get excited when I see a card that I have never seen before, but this one had my mind racing. He described it as an embossed stamp embedded into a card. Wow! What a concept! That is SO cool!

Since I am much smarter than most people, I immediately saw the possiblities. This card could practically print its own money! I had to have it!

I was (amazingly) able to find another auction for one of these cards. They only made 250, so I guess I am blessed. I wanted to make sure I won, so I used the Buy It Now of only $79.99 + $8.00 shipping.

While I waited for the card to arrive, I went out and bought a few boxes of baseballs. I decided that the Official Major League balls were too expensive, so I bought a gross of Wilson Official League Size and Weight baseballs. 144 balls X $2.99 ea. + tax = $468.00.

I also purchased a few stamp pads and ink refills. $19.99 (tax-free). I got them from the scrapbooking lady across the street. She doesn't charge tax. Sweeeeeeet!

I did some extensive research, and found that Tris Speaker autographs go for a pretty good chunk of change. This is gonna be GREAT!!!

My card arrived this morning so I called in sick for work and got working on my retirement plan.

It took a few tries before I got the signatures looking just right.

They turned out really nice- way better than any of the ones I saw on the internet. Since I am smarter than most people, I knew that proper marketing and intelligent bookkeeping would be the keys to maximizing my investment. First I set up a spread sheet outlining my profit potential (figure 1). Then I made some graphs to give my business model a real, authentic look (figure 2). You never know when you might need investors. (I had to steal some cash out of my girlfriend's purse to pay for the baseballs.)
(Fig. 1)

(Fig. 2)

The next steps were writing my ad for Craigslist and then booking my flight to Tahiti!

Here is my advertisement as posted on Craigslist in 39 major markets:



Like everyone in these troubled economic times, I have bills that need to be paid. Unfortunately, I must part with my most treasured piece of memorabilia. This ultra rare autograph from a true hall of famer was a gift to me from my grandfather. On his deathbed he said to me, "I got this ball from Mr. Speaker himself. It is worth over $3,000! Don't sell it... Unless there is another Great Depression and you have to pay bills."

Help me fulfill my grandfathers final wish. Hurry, because this kind of a deal won't last. (Quantity discounts are available.) Photos below.

I am gonna be sooooooooooooo RICH!!! So screw all of you that aren't as smart as me!!!


Motherscratcher said...

My God Man! That's genius! The auto came out perfect! Nobody will ever know the difference! I can't stop using exclamation points!

I'll bet you can even send it to Beckett for authentification. You better send me a post card.

jacobmrley said...

I once had a kid offer me a Babe Ruth autograph on a Bobby Brown AL ball (and spelled Baba Ruth) He wanted $250- but since it was so rare, I gave him $500- That's why I am a financial sports-investment genius!

--David said...

I had some smart-a$$ remark, but thhen I saw my 'word verification' and thought it said it all: excess.

Okay, actually that wasn't great. Your idea, however, is genius. I'll take a baker's dozen.

Rod said...

When I was working at a baseball card store, someone tried to sell us an autographed Lou Gehrig photo. It looked just like Lous' signature. But something about the purple Sharpie it was signed in just didn't seem right.