Thursday, September 24, 2009

Wanted Poster...

Enough of the status quo. I am sick of people that break the rules and think they are smarter than everyone else. Just because you are willing to damage a bunch of packs in an effort to pluck a jersey card or an autograph, doesn't make you a genius... It makes you a thief. Worse yet, it makes you a douchebaggy card rustler. Out here in the west, we don't take too kindly to card rustlers.

Stories about encountering pack searchers have surfaced on many different blogs recently. I preface this by admitting that I very rarely purchase individual packs. Pack searchers, therefore, have little to no effect on my day-to-day card collecting life. Things change...

On Tuesday, I was at Target (with no intention of purchasing cards) and ran into one of these characters. After surreptitiously snapping a photo with my phone (planning a scathing blog post), I walked away fuming. This jerk wasn't even being subtle about it. He was systematically pulling boxes of cards from the shelves, searching every pack, folding and bending the cards with his meaty paws. Something in me snapped.

I debated whether to confront the guy or inform a Target employee. I recalled reading a blog post in which a store employee defended a pack searcher because he was a regular customer, and always left the aisle cleaner than he found it. That is ridiculous. As meticulous as this guy was about searching the packs, I had no doubts that he would alphabetize the blaster boxes on his way out of the aisle. I needed to take this into my own hands...

Every good vigilante has to be willing to break a few rules himself. Me? I am a good vigilante. While plotting my attack in the electronics department, I peeled a security tag off a Nintendo DS Brain Age game. After shopping for necessities, I headed back toward the checkout. When I got back to the card aisle, I patted the pack searcher on the back (sticking the security tag to his shoulder). Startled, he looked back at me with a irritated expression. I apologized for the confusion. I told him that I thought he was my friend, Kenny. With obviously feigned sincerity, he dismissively said, "Sorry. Not Kenny."

"yeah, Kenny's not a douche..." I mumbled as I walked away. When I checked out, I mentioned to the cashier that I think I saw the "douchy-looking gentleman" in the card aisle stick something in his pocket while searching through the cards.

Me? I am a good, passive-aggressive vigilante.

I am forming a passive-aggressive pack searcher picture posse. Care to join in? Submit your links to your wanted posters in the comments, or email them to me at travis@punkrockpaint.com.

(I didn't actually stick a tag on the guy, or tell a cashier... I did however sneeze the word "douchebag" loud enough that the guy could hear me... I guess I need to work on the aggressive aspect of passive-aggressive. Oh, not that I was looking, but they still didn't have any Goodwin blasters.)

5 comments:

The Mojo Hand said...

Nice!

packaddict said...

you should tape one of those to the shelf but you can also make it look official, maybe even with a "do not remove till so-and-so". if it looks official, it would probably not be pulled for a good while!

--David said...

Man, I wish you had done this! I think I am going to try that next time I see one of these guys.

When we were at Target last time, there was an opened pack, short a card or two, mixed in the other packs - obviously the carnage of such douchebaggery.

Brian said...

I loved that post, right up to the point where you said you didn't put the tag on him. That would have been worth hanging around for...and videoing...and putting on youtube. Great post and I love the poster.

No kidding, my verification word is: fartness--which describes that packsearcher nicely.

Sharpe said...

Recently saw a guy in his 60s searching packs at a Target. Yup, in his 60s, easily.

I do buy packs from time to time and while I have no interest in jersey cards, some kids might . . .

I'm just curious what sort of person actually has gotten to the point where they don't feel any remorse for going through and bending up all the cards, etc. Really? You're going to stand there like a douche for an hour searching every new pack that came in?