Stories about encountering pack searchers have surfaced on many different blogs recently. I preface this by admitting that I very rarely purchase individual packs. Pack searchers, therefore, have little to no effect on my day-to-day card collecting life. Things change...
On Tuesday, I was at Target (with no intention of purchasing cards) and ran into one of these characters. After surreptitiously snapping a photo with my phone (planning a scathing blog post), I walked away fuming. This jerk wasn't even being subtle about it. He was systematically pulling boxes of cards from the shelves, searching every pack, folding and bending the cards with his meaty paws. Something in me snapped.
I debated whether to confront the guy or inform a Target employee. I recalled reading a blog post in which a store employee defended a pack searcher because he was a regular customer, and always left the aisle cleaner than he found it. That is ridiculous. As meticulous as this guy was about searching the packs, I had no doubts that he would alphabetize the blaster boxes on his way out of the aisle. I needed to take this into my own hands...
Every good vigilante has to be willing to break a few rules himself. Me? I am a good vigilante. While plotting my attack in the electronics department, I peeled a security tag off a Nintendo DS Brain Age game. After shopping for necessities, I headed back toward the checkout. When I got back to the card aisle, I patted the pack searcher on the back (sticking the security tag to his shoulder). Startled, he looked back at me with a irritated expression. I apologized for the confusion. I told him that I thought he was my friend, Kenny. With obviously feigned sincerity, he dismissively said, "Sorry. Not Kenny."
"yeah, Kenny's not a douche..." I mumbled as I walked away. When I checked out, I mentioned to the cashier that I think I saw the "douchy-looking gentleman" in the card aisle stick something in his pocket while searching through the cards.
Me? I am a good, passive-aggressive vigilante.
I am forming a passive-aggressive pack searcher picture posse. Care to join in? Submit your links to your wanted posters in the comments, or email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
(I didn't actually stick a tag on the guy, or tell a cashier... I did however sneeze the word "douchebag" loud enough that the guy could hear me... I guess I need to work on the aggressive aspect of passive-aggressive. Oh, not that I was looking, but they still didn't have any Goodwin blasters.)